Effinfunny Blog of Death

With lower than expected numbers of people enlisting into the army and marines, military officials have decided to start using Bull Terriers to serve and fight in Iraq. “Seeing the recent Michael Vick case made us wonder, why do we have them fighting each other when they could fight for this great country of ours.� Department of Defense Secretary Robert Gates said at a recent Pentagon briefing. PETA officials who are normally at odds with any misuse or mistreatment of animals were in complete support of the decision. “Those dogs are fucking assholes.� PETA head Susan “Moonbeam� Robertson said. “Let them fight, I can’t stand those goddamn dogs.�

The fear of the unknown was reason enough for President Bush to denounce Iran and move a carrier group off Iran’s coast. “I’m not sure what they did today, or if they did anything at all.� Bush noted at a morning press conference. “But if it is Iran, I know in my heart that they must have been up to no good.� Vice President, Dick Cheney, beat a familiar drumbeat on Iran. “Terrorism, weapons, Al Queda.� He said to Fox News six consecutive times in a row.

Yamir Abbas, an eleven year old Palestinian boy living in Ramallah, was signed by the New York Yankees after scouts saw him throwing rocks at Israeli Tanks on CNN. “The kid has got some heat.� Yankees General Manager Brian Cashman noted. “We calculated he is throwing in the high eighties. That’s pretty impressive for an eleven year old. Especially when you have wooden bullets and tear gas being shot back at you. So you know the kid can deal with pressure.� Israel denounced the signing by saying the Yankees are sponsoring terrorism and need more left handed pitching.