Effinfunny Blog of Death

Big League pitcher, Roger Clemens, who is most famous for throwing at his own son during a game, admitted on 60 minutes that he was given shots that were made up hormones causing him to be a complete prick. Clemens told Mike Wallace: “I admit, those shots made me a huge prick. Hell, I’m still a prick and I haven’t taken them in over a year. With those side effects are going to be with me forever. That’s the hell me and my family will have to live with.� Clemens ended the interview by throwing and hitting Wallace on his head with a fastball. Clemens later blamed his prick shots.

Under a canopy of shame, former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell admitted to taking steroids and human growth hormones (HGH) while writing a report on Major League Baseball Players using performance enhancing drugs. “All I see is a reflection.� Mitchell said solemnly during a press briefing. “The report was so big and I didn’t think I had enough in the tank to finish it, so I started dabbling. The next thing I know, I’m going nuts during family cookouts, throwing the grill into the neighbor’s yard. I am ashamed.� Critics had suspected Mitchell was using drugs when his Words Per Minute (WPM) while typing went from 75 to 1500. “You just don’t see a jump in those kind of numbers unless you are on something.� Mitchell critic, Thomas Blank, said on a phone interview. Mr. Blank later tested positive for HGH and admitting using it because of all the recent phone interviews he had been giving.